The Darkest Shade Of Broken

Ava J Dearden
Apr 11
8 min read

Updated: Oct 6

11th April 25 l Ava J Dearden

We all know some one narcissistic, cold, hard, uncaring...

But what if the image they portray on the outside is very different from who they really are on the inside. What if the bold, arrogant bravado they exude is really self preservation or protection against further pain and suffering?

What if that some one is broken?

People can be so beaten down by life that they reach a point of, "I really don't care anymore." They may appear fine on the outside but could feel very different on the inside. We wrongly judge based on the stereotypical image of brokenness...drug addiction, alcoholism. We rarely stop to consider the possible hidden pain of a functioning member of society's wrong behaviours towards us.

Some one who is broken may also believe themselves to be cold and uncaring, " it's just who I am." People don't always recognise their own brokenness. But inside, we all have the same longings, to be loved, understood and accepted.

Brokenness can manifest in many different ways;

We all think and act in a unique way depending on our personality, resilience, many other factors. This has a great bearing on which path we choose when faced with pain and suffering.

We are a product of our environment

We are a product of our enviroment — We are shaped by our environment, experiences, nature, nurture and the choices we make

Our behaviours, beliefs, and even personalities are largely shaped by the surroundings, experiences, and interactions we encounter, rather than solely by genetics or free will. ~ unknown

God created us for love. We are all susceptible to brokenness;

God created us for love. He created family and within the family, ideally there is to be a support structure with loving parents to guide, protect and discipline the children. Sadly, this is a nowhere near perfect world. Family is now so far away from what God intended, but that doesn't change that we are hard wired for the ideal. We still have needs that are not being met, issues are almost guaranteed to manifest somewhere down the line.

The problems that we see in the world today are largely caused by the issues emerging from broken or dysfunctional families. A repeat cycle of problems passing down from generation to generation, which only God can heal. How to be saved

A baby's brain is formed from its experiences as well as genetics — We are hard wired for love. God created humans for family. A baby's tender brain is formed partly by their surroundings, experiences and interactions

God created us for love

Matthew 22:37-39 - Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’

No one needs to stay broken. Modern science confirms that which the Bible told us thousands of years ago. We have the capacity to renew our minds

Romans 12:2 - Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Neuroplasticity;

Neuroplasticity refers to the brain's capacity to modify its structure and function in response to experiences, learning, and even damage. It is the brain's ability to change and adapt throughout life. it is a well-established and scientifically proven phenomenon ~ unknown

We can renew our minds

"God created our brains so that with effort, we can literally, physically change our way of thinking, no one has to stay broken. In no way am I playing down how difficult this is to do in practice but with God to guide us, it is achievable."

Not every one is broken, evil definitely does exist.

I worked in mental health for many years. I have suffered my own brokenness. I speak with people from all walks of life daily who are dealing with issues ranging from marriage problems to thoughts of suicide. I have found that the root cause in most cases is brokenness.

But there are people who 'choose' to behave in morally unacceptable ways. The question is, are their bad choices due to lack of love, knowledge, guidance, support, encouragement in their lifes. Have they suffered trauma. Are they missing the vital elements that God created us for, or are they genuinely choosing to use their free will for evil intent?

We can't answer that question because we don't see people's hearts. We don't know the reasons why they do the things they do, but God does. Our thoughts, words and deeds are all seen and noted by The Almighty, and by them we will one day be judged.

2 Corinthians 5:10 - For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.

Biblical definition of evil:

Evil is the antithesis of good, representing anything that is morally wrong, sinful, or wicked. It encompasses actions that cause harm, both to individuals and to God's creation. Evil is often associated with rebellion against God and His will. The Bible presents evil as both a personal and systemic force that opposes God's will and purposes.~ unknown

We only see the surface. We need to be mindful in our judgement of others

We are called to use our God given gift of discernment, being mindful of judging others wrongly. There is always a reason why He puts certain people in our paths. If we need to know the state of a person's heart and we are unsure, pray and if God deems it necessary, He will give us clarity.

1 Corinthians 4:5-7 - So don’t make judgments about anyone ahead of time—before the Lord returns. For he will bring our darkest secrets to light and will reveal our private motives. Then God will give to each one whatever praise is due.

The point is, people can be broken and we just don't see it

Vanity, jealousy, anger, bitterness, obsession, lasciviousness, lust, fornication, excess of wines, murder, stealing, lying, cheating, gossiping, slandering, gluttony, idolatry...Fruits of the devil and they are all seeded within us somewhere in time.

The following examples are fictional characters based on truths. We all know some one who we deem to be narcissistic, jealous, possessive, sexually confused, a fornicator or an addict. Maybe they really are any of those things. But on a deeper level, they could be broken;


Narcissistic Or Broken? - You have recently ended a relationship that your friends warned was toxic. Your ex partner was such a lovely person in the beginning but it wasn't long before they manifested their true colours. They were controlling and never showed you any love or empathy, even after a hard day at work. They were far too interested in themselves and the mirror to care about anyone else.	On the surface, this person appears to be full of pride, unable to show love, uncaring of others and vain. But what if they don't know what real love is. What if they were raised in an unsupportive family who consistently let them down. Maybe they never had any one to encourage them and so now they live only to encourage themselves. What if their vanity is just another form of self appreciation, and their controlling personality ensures that no one is given an opportunity to ever let them down again.
Jealous And Possessive Or Broken? - You feel that it's time to settle down. You've found your dream partner and embark on a serious relationship. A friend you have known for some time suddenly starts to act out of character. They blackmail you into giving up on the relationship by threatening to expose the secrets that you shared together.	Maybe your friend was secretly besotted with you. They had hopes and dreams of marriage and starting a family together . You may have unknowingly or knowingly lead them on and now their dreams are shattered. They can't deal with the pain of rejection as their love for you, which hasn't been perfected in God, is overwhelming. Their only focus is to not let you go. If they can't have you, then no one else will.
Sexually Confused or Broken? - a bright young man who does well at school, has many friends, is living the dream, suddenly tells his family that he is gay. The admission seems to have come from nowhere and while his loving family support him, the Father's dream of becoming a Grandfather one day is now in pieces.	The young man's parents separated while he was still young. His Father assumed the role of both parents. The Mother made it clear when she left her husband for a younger partner, that she didn't have time for her 'old family' now. The young man is still devastated but doesn't show it. He hides his pain so as not to upset his Father. He has become a women hater, as he has grown to hate his Mother.
Fornicator, promiscuous, prostitute or Broken? - a man or women that you know sleeps with multiple partners. They don't seem to care about their reputation, in fact their behaviours appear to worsen when you raise your concerns with them. They seem to have no boundaries and you have heard rumours that they are now partaking in adult group activities at the local club. On the surface, they seem like decent people. They hold down good jobs, working long hours. There's just this dark, uncontrollable side to them that you don't understand.	There is a possibility that sexual abuse of some kind was prevalent in their lives. Experiencing sexual abuse at any age is devastating. Some are born into abusive families and for those who are, "it isn't abuse, 'its just another day.'" All control is taken away from them, essentially they become sex slaves. Abuse victims may self harm physically, mentally or both. Giving themselves away isn't for enjoyment and for those who turn to prostitution, it's rarely a career of choice. Promiscuity can be a form of self harm, a way of dealing with the pain. It gives them a feeling of being in control, which no one will ever take from them again. They say 'who, they say when, they say how.'
Drug Addict / Alcoholic Or Broken? - deemed useless, lazy and dirty by society, your friend just can't seem to overcome their addiction. They joined Alcoholics Anonymous a while ago but no longer attend the group sessions. They have also tried to wean themselves off the substance with replacement medication prescribed by the GP, but all to no avail. You are starting to lose patience with them, its been going on for a long time, you are tired of the repetition. All of your good advice on how to quit seems to fall on deaf ears.	There is a myriad of reasons why people take drugs or drink alcohol to excess. The crux however is generally the need for escapism. They seek an altered state of mind where things don't look quite so bad, a temporary release from the harsh realities of this life. The root cause could be for example; Abuse, no family, no direction, marital issues, rejection. All pain is relative. Conversely they could come from a good home, but with overbearing parents who had unrealistic high expectations for their children, nothing they did was ever good enough.

God alone can heal the broken

Only The Lord knows our hearts. We truly cannot explain the workings of self will. I have come to a point many times in my journey with God, usually after a trial or test where I say "surely I'm nearly there now God," but I was wrong.

He brings the dark, hidden things in our hearts to the surface layer by layer and in His perfect timing, He heals us but not without our own efforts. As we reflect on these things, we cry out for deliverance from the inherent evil that lurks inside our flesh, "God, please change us." We finally get to understand why we do the things that we do.

Psalm 139:23-24 - Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

God can heal the broken